Scarabus

Crawling toward the sunlight

Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

A state legislature does the right thing

Friday, May 24th, 2013

 

Voila Capture1277

 

Illinois Bans Abstinence-Only Sex Ed: ‘In Fantasy Land, We Teach Our Kids Abstinence’

By Tara Culp-Ressler on May 24, 2013 at 10:30 am

Illinois public schools will be required to include medically accurate information about birth control in their sex ed classes under a measure that the state legislature passed this week. HB 2675, which Gov. Pat Quinn (D) is expected to sign into law, will prohibit health classes from teaching abstinence-only curricula.

Illinois’ current law requires sex ed classes to emphasize abstinence as “the expected norm,” and stipulates that “course material and instruction shall stress that pupils should abstain from sexual intercourse until they are ready for marriage.” Public schools can choose between teaching abstinence-only education, using a mix of stressing abstinence while providing comprehensive information about birth control and condoms, or simply declining to provide any sex ed instruction. Under HB 2675, schools won’t be able to choose the abstinence-only option anymore — they’ll need to either offer comprehensive information about prevention methods, or decide not to offer any sex ed courses whatsoever.

 

Areamap6

 

Head and Heart Award for Illinois

 

Of course in fairness to the Republicans in the Illinois General Assembly, they are the minority party. Teabagger Wingnuts shouldn’t really blame them for this morally depraved action. The bill was passed by the Democratic majority, and will be signed into law by the Democratic governor.

Brain-dead Louis.

Friday, May 24th, 2013

 

Voila Capture1546

 

Congressman: Women Should Be Forced To Give Birth To Fetuses With No Brain Function

By Tara Culp-Ressler on May 24, 2013 at 9:06 am

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX)

At a congressional committee hearing to discuss a proposed measure to criminalize abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy, a Texas lawmaker told a woman who made the difficult choice to terminate a non-viable pregnancy that she should have carried the fetus to term anyway — even though an MRI had already revealed that he was missing a large part of his brain and didn’t have much chance of survival.

 

Bdlg 2

Bishop Earl “E.W.” Edwards doesn’t speak for all Christians … but he does for too many of them

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

 

Xian 2

Where do these creeps get the gall

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

 

Voila Capture1379

 

Congressman Who Gets Millions in Farm Subsidies Denounces Food Stamps as Stealing ‘Other People’s Money’
Aviva Shen
Think Progress / News Analysis
Published: Wednesday 22 May 2013

 

While Fincher interprets food assistance for the needy as “stealing,” he has not similarly condemned the Farm Bill’s massive agricultural subsidies. In fact, he supported a proposal to expand crop insurance by $9 billion over the next 10 years. Fincher has a great personal stake in maintaining these particular government handouts, as the second most heavily subsidized farmer in Congress and one of the largest subsidy recipients in Tennessee history:

USDA data collected in EWG’s 2013 farm subsidy database update — going live tomorrow –shows that Fincher collected a staggering $3.48 million in “our” money from 1999 to 2012. In 2012 alone, the congressman was cut a government check for a $70,000 direct payment. Direct payments are issued automatically, regardless of need, and go predominantly to the largest, most profitable farm operations in the country.

Fincher’s $70,000 farm subsidy haul in 2012 dwarfs the average 2012 SNAP benefit in Tennessee of $1,586.40, and it is nearly double of Tennessee’s median household income. After voting to cut SNAP by more than $20 billion, Fincher joined his colleagues to support a proposal to expand crop insurance subsidies by $9 billion over the next 10 years.

 

Crab 2

Vagina hating Republican legislators

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

 

Voila Capture1277

 

UPDATED: Virginia GOP Nominee For Attorney General Introduced Bill Forcing Women To Report Their Miscarriages To Police

By Ian Millhiser on May 20, 2013 at 10:35 am

 

If a woman in Virginia has a miscarriage without a doctor present, they must report it within 24 hours to the police or risk going to jail for a full year. At least, that’s what would have happened if a bill introduced by Virginia state Sen. Mark Obenshain (R) had become law.

And yet, the Virginia Republican Party wants to make Obenshain into the state’s top prosecutor. This weekend, Virginia Republicans selected Obenshain as their nominee to replace tea party stalwart Ken Cuccinelli (R) as the state’s attorney general.

Under Obenshain’s bill, which was introduced in 2009,

When a fetal death occurs without medical attendance upon the mother at or after the delivery or abortion, the mother or someone acting on her behalf shall, within 24 hours, report the fetal death…. Any person violating the provisions of this subsection shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor.

Under Virginia law, a Class 1 misdemeanor carries a maximum sentence of “confinement in jail for not more than twelve months and a fine of not more than $2,500,” so Obenshain’s bill could lead to a woman who decides to take a day to grieve the loss of a pregnancy she’d hoped to carry to term spending a year of her life in jail for that decision.

 

[Obenshain has said the bill was not intended to be that broad, and he has withdrawn it.]

 

Vagina 2

Rand Paul: “The LameStream Media Lurve Me! An ordinary looney is boring. But if he attacks the Democrats? Oh, yeah! He’s a star!!

Monday, May 20th, 2013

 

Budd 1

Size matters! (in eyeglasses)

Sunday, May 19th, 2013

 

Too cool for school: Brooklyn school bans hipster glasses

 

By Daily Mail Reporter

PUBLISHED: 16:13 EST, 14 May 2013 | UPDATED: 16:33 EST, 14 May 2013

 

Students at an Orthodox Jewish school in Brooklyn have been banned from wearing the thick-framed retro glasses that are currently very fashionable with celebrities and local hipsters alike.

Parents at the Bobover Yeshiva B’Nei Zion school in Borough Park, which caters to members of the Bobov sect, recently received a letter written in Yiddish from the school telling them about the new policy.

‘We are asking that everyone buy simple glasses,’ reads the letter. ‘The yeshiva will not tolerate thick plastic eye glasses.’

 

Bob 1

A tweet from a twit!

Saturday, May 18th, 2013

 

Voila Capture1606

 

Brolly 1

Ever wonder what it would be like to …?

Friday, May 17th, 2013

 

HippoComp 1

Michele (one-”l”) hears from her constituents

Thursday, May 16th, 2013

 

Michele Bachmann: Every Weekend People Tell Me They Want Obama Impeached)

The Huffington Post | By Paige Lavender

Posted: 05/16/2013 10:47 am EDT | Updated: 05/16/2013 1:28 pm EDT

 

‘Michele, what in the world are you all waiting for in Congress? Why aren’t you impeaching the president? He’s been making unconstitutional actions since he came into office,’” Bachmann said.

 

Impeach 1